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Hi there, I'm Louis although it's OK if you want to call me Lou. Currently undergoing inpatient treatment for bulimia.

Possibly triggering. Eating disordered thoughts.


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Whats the most embarrassing thing you've done in front of harry

Anonymous

He’s seen pretty much everything embarrassing ever…he’s seen me throw up and cry and freak out and pass out…yeah…

I think the only thing he hasn’t seen at this point is me pooping and even that I’m not 100% on since he was there at the hospital with me at points I was too ill to actually remember so

Somehow he still finds me attractive though, bless his heart.


POSTED 2 days ago WITH 1 note · reblog


itsharrybaby:

"You can tell," Harry half laughed, his cheeks tinting the slightest bit pink and his smile growing.  "Soon, baby; you can come watch me soon, okay?"  The kisses had Harry tugging the smaller boy closer, fingertips dancing up and down Louis’ back.  The boy was still trim but he could feel less bones along his spine; he was less scared he would snap Louis in half just because he’d worked out.  "Do you think my mum will notice?" he asked in a bit softer tone, not sure how he’d get discharged without her permission.  "Will we have to contact my father again?"

"Course I can tell, you look really, really, really good," grinned Louis, kissing Harry’s cheek again. "And I’m definitely gonna watch you. I’m gonna watch you all the time because there’s nothing they can do to stop me any more." At the next question he reached up, starting to stroke Harry’s curls to try and soothe him a bit since he knew this was a sad thing for him. "You’re not under section like I was and you’re over 18, the most they can make you do is force you to see a therapist when we’re out of here. Might be a good idea to call one of your parents, just so they know where you’re going and so they won’t send the police out looking, but either way I’m getting you out of here, yeah? I’ll say I’m your carer or whatever if we need to, you’re not staying in here. It’s not good for you dolly doll."

(Source: skinnylou)


POSTED 2 days ago WITH 8 notes · reblog


·paras

itsharrybaby:

"You promise there’s no fire?" Harry asked, keeping his eyes peeled as they made their way towards the castle.  His sight couldn’t take in everything fast enough, a blur of colours and happy faces passing by and further serving to brighten up his demeanor.  "You can, like, stand in front of me just in case.  I think I’ll be fine but just, yeah, will you stand in front?  Under the castle first and then inside to meet the princess and then we can find some more characters for my book and then rides?  Maybe eating at the castle if we get hungry."

"I promise," nodded Louis. "And yeah, I’ll stand in front of you. I’d bloody fight the thing if you asked me to, so yeah" he grinned, leaning up to peck Harry’s cheek again. As they neared the small entrance under the castle with a french sign reading La Tanière du Dragon” over it, he gave the taller boy’s hand a quick squeeze. “If you decide you don’t like it and you wanna get out of there, we’ll get out of there,” he said quietly, reaching up and fixing Harry’s hair with his free hand. “You ready to go inside?”


POSTED 1 week ago WITH 85 notes · reblog


itsharrybaby:

The way Louis was comfortable in his lap told Harry that him bulking up was worth it.  Putting on muscle mass and toning himself gave the boy a bigger presence.  He wasn’t completely ripped but there was a visible difference in his arms and shoulders and he was sure Louis would like that.  ”You did amazing though, sweetheart,” Harry praised, leaning into the kiss and encouraged by the move Louis made to his hand.  He could still feel how trim Louis was, could still imagine closing both hands around the boy’s small waist.  ”God you’re perfect,” Harry praised breathlessly.  The fact Louis had arranged their departure in a way that meant he didn’t have to go home left Harry touched and he smiled at his boy excitedly.  ”Really?  That’s… wow!  Really?  I can’t wait!”

Louis settled against Harry a bit more, deciding he didn’t want to move. “Gutted you’ve worked out already though, or I would have used my new found ‘normal weight’ness to sit in the gym and watch you,” he grinned, pressing a few quick kisses to Harry’s shoulder before adding one to his lips. He blushed a bit when Harry called him perfect, knowing it was Harry who was the perfect one of the two of them. “And yeah, I think they realise that I’d just drive to you all day every day when they’re meant to be keeping an eye on me, so having you there is just gonna be way better for everyone really. Never want you going back to your mums ever again.”

(Source: skinnylou)


POSTED 1 week ago WITH 8 notes · reblog


·paras

itsharrybaby:

Harry used a hand to shield the phone’s screen from the sunlight and leaned in.  His thumb moved to fondly brush over Louis’ petite figure and he smiled, nodding quickly.  ”It’s okay!” Harry agreed, giving Louis’ hand a squeeze.  He ignored his own silly smile, thinking he looked too excited, too happy, too young.  It didn’t matter so long as he had his cute ears on and his cute almost-boyfriend at his side.  ”Thank you!” he offered to the cast member with a beam.  ”Now where?  Are we going there?  Inside?” Harry turned to Louis.

"No, underneath it," grinned Louis, starting to walk with Harry again and giving his hand a squeeze back. "You wanted to see the dragon, right? It might breathe a bit of smoke at you, but not any fire or anything. We don’t have to go see it if you don’t think you’ll be alright though, I’ve seen it before so it won’t bother me if we don’t," he said, knowing he must sound even more mad than usual, talking about dragons, but he’d seen the giant animatronic dragon’s lair before and he knew that if Harry didn’t think he’d be triggered then he’d love it. "We could go in the castle and look around? Or go on rides? This is a Harry day, so you get to pick."


POSTED 1 week ago WITH 85 notes · reblog


itsharrybaby:

"Your BMI… Louis, that’s fantastic!” Harry had to think about it for a moment, anything intellectual still slightly out of his grasp, but he knew enough to understand that this was huge.  Louis was free and that meant so was Harry: because there wasn’t a day that he thought they could be apart and both continue to do so well; because he wasn’t letting Louis out of his sight again.  Harry hugged Louis in tightly, hands roaming all over his compact body as he tried to rein in his unbridled excitement.  ”Holy shit, baby!  You’re amazing!  We’re leaving; we’re finally leaving!”  He kissed Louis again and giggled into his mouth.  Waterhouse was bad for Harry, causing more problems than he’d come in with so leaving was of high priority.  He’d figure out details later.

Louis couldn’t help but beam under Harry’s praise, glad that everything the eating disordered voice in his head had said to scare him was only that - just to scare him. Harry was happy about it, clearly wasn’t repulsed from the way he was touching him, and even at 45lb heavier than he’d been at his smallest Harry still managed to make him feel small like he always did. “Couldn’t have done it without you though dolly doll,” he said, connecting their lips again for another kiss and moving one of Harry’s hands to his waist, which was a new body part on the ‘body parts Louis is kinda sorta okay with’ list, so he could have a feel of it. Harry made him happy, and it was a lot easier to not give into purging or starving when he was happy. “My mum and dad have both okayed you living with me until we move off so I can go to uni, one of them is gonna come pick us up. Probably at the weekend, they’ll text me after my therapist calls them probably.”

(Source: skinnylou)


POSTED 1 week ago WITH 8 notes · reblog


·paras

itsharrybaby:

Harry disagreed, of course.  His self esteem may have been leaps and bounds of Louis’ most of the time but he still had his moments where he felt disgusting and unlovable, overweight and pudgy.  He’d delete any pictures that reminded him of darker times unless, of course, they included any important characters.  Feeling self conscious was no reason to delete a memory that couldn’t be replicated—Harry knew as much.  When they were getting their picture taken in front of the castle, Harry had to fight to keep still and not bounce on his heels excitedly.  He clutched Louis to him tight, beaming at the staff member with dimples deep in his cheeks.  Harry was happy Louis was going to be in pictures with him.  He wanted to remember everything about the perfect day brought to him by this perfect boy.

Louis handed Harry his phone straight away when the staff member had snapped their photo, knowing he was irrational enough about this stuff that no matter how it had turned out he’d want to crop himself out of it and just have Harry instead - so Harry was in a far better position to decide if it was a good one or not. “Is it okay?” he asked, taking Harry’s free hand and lacing their fingers together once again. “We can ask for another if it’s really shit.”


POSTED 1 week ago WITH 85 notes · reblog


itsharrybaby:

Harry was tuckered out.  Ever since agreeing to rebuild his lost muscle mass, Waterhouse had him on a vigorous workout schedule, much to Louis’ delight.  Returning were his shapely toned arms and lean legs that went on for days.  His chest was broadening and Harry felt more like an uncoordinated baby deer than ever.  Still, the results were obvious and he nestled down into the couch to watch his counterpart on the screen, pleased when he could fast forward through the gunshot parts without anything majorly triggering him on screen.  It was just the sounds that got to him now, that flared up his PSTD that he’d likely deal with for the rest of his life.  He could live with that; Harry just wanted to start living.  So when Louis whispered into his ear, all adorably perched upon his lap, Harry’s mind didn’t want to jump to its hopeful confusion.  ”Date night?” he asked excitedly, beaming a dimpled smile at the boy.  ”Are they letting us out to another restaurant?”

"Nope," said Louis happily, pecking Harry’s lips when he smiled at him. "Out out. Forever.  My BMI hit 18.5 and that means I’m allowed to go whenever I want and I’m obviously gonna drag you out of this shithole with me." He’d been on at his parents for ages about it anyway - he knew enough about Harry’s family situation that letting him go back there was a big fat nope, and besides, he wouldn’t want him the 2 hour drive away in Cheshire anyway - and neither of them had an issue with Harry coming staying with them as long as it kept Louis out of their hair. "We’ll be out of this place by the end of the week and we’re never ever coming back."

(Source: skinnylou)


POSTED 2 weeks ago WITH 8 notes · reblog


itsharrybaby:

Harry brightened, if that was even at all possible.  Louis was agreeing to do things for Harry again, things he wasn’t necessarily fond of.  It was like they were together again.  They were LouisandHarry again.  He smiled and pressed a sloppy kiss to Louis’ cheek before strolling happily at his side, their hands swinging in between.  ”I don’t mind if you wanna take lots of me.  As long as it makes you happy and as long as I don’t look too bad in all the sneaky ones.  I don’t wanna look bad in Disney.”  Harry nodded once, determining his rules fair and smiling back at Louis for confirmation.

"You never look bad ever, but I’ll let you delete any that you don’t like," nodded Louis, blushing a bit at the kiss to his cheek as they carried on walking. Eventually they got close enough to the castle that they’d be able to get a picture with it all in the background but nothing blocking the view of it, and he took Harry over to one of the cast members and handed them his phone, asking if they’d be able to take a picture of them with the castle. Once they’d said yes, he went back to pose in front of it with Harry, wrapping his arms around the taller boy’s waist.




Louis knew he had to find Harry the very second his meeting with his therapist and a doctor had ended - they were getting out. He’d finally hit that magic BMI of 18.5 which meant that nobody had an excuse to keep him locked up anymore, and therefore he’d be out by the end of the week. Sure, he wasn’t ‘fixed’ - he still wasn’t happy with how he looked, didn’t see his reflection as it actually was and his relationship with food wasn’t normal; he wasn’t even at an ‘ideal’ weight according to the doctor - but he was no longer at any risk and that was good enough apparently. He practically tore down the hallways trying to find his boyfriend, grinning madly once he found him on the couch in the lounge watching a Disney movie. He wasted no time in plopping down onto Harry’s lap, wrapping his arms around him and excitedly whispering “We’re getting out doll.”


POSTED 2 weeks ago WITH 8 notes · reblog